At a Price

By: Cleopatra Christopher

J. Cole- Neighbors

What do you value?
What do you want?
Who are you?

Sometimes I don’t know
I feel like I’m a poem
stuck in between the riveting drama and lapses in prose
I want happiness,
Freedom
A place to call my own
I want to feel comfortable
Not like an Aspie, you know an introvert

So what are you doing about it?
What changes have you made?
Have you decided to go to burger king?
You know, have it your way!

Fam I’ve been tryna make a turn
But my boy just ain’t come thru’
Like I need to get my own shit poppin’
Let me catch a ride with you
I’ll holla back,
Give me till like twenty twenty-two (2022)

You know you’re super cool Love
Ain’t never met a girl like you
So swift, so swift
Nikki Giovanni would be so proud of you

But still it’s never that easy
And I often question who I am
I switch from tomboy to girly-girl
From nature lover to nerd
From artsy chick to doing comedy skits
I’m far out, I act like I run the six
I’m a Muslim singing Christian hymns
I’m confused it’s like I love him,
but I dislike his cockiness, his arrogance

I want to focus
I need to focus
I’m sorry for my impatience,
My impracticality,
My longing for love an intimacy
I’m sorry I’m so erratic,
but I’m generally ecstatic when I see you
When I see it,
I go weak in knees when I feel my accomplishments…
slip!
I long for the bitterness that drips from toil
So I can truly enjoy the fruits of my labour
So if it comes too easy
I don’t want it
If it tastes too good from the get go,
It most probably isn’t worth it
Therefore, neither do I want it nor do I value it
And as such that is the definition of who I am.
I need strife and war and struggle and heartache to be satisfied
To feel full, I need a little less of you ,
And a lot more of me.
I need to work hard if I am ever going to be happy.

Update on my life: Taking a break from social media , 2 week Hiatus, I am in silence.